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I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

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the life of a mother with youth

Sunday, August 21, 2005
Silent Night...

Yeah right! I have some serious issues with breastfeeding consult centers and not just one in particular. Whether they are online, on a phone or in real life - none of the breastfeeding support groups do not offer support for weening. Let me describe my night to you the best way that I can in my sleep depraved state. Isaac went to Grandma's for the night so that he could actually get sleep. With only Nicholas and myself here, this is the best that I can recollect my night.

8:00 PM - Normal bedtime. Nicholas is wide awake.
8:30 PM - 30 minutes past normal bedtime and Nicholas is still awake.
8:45 PM - I'm rocking Nicholas at this point, trying my best to soothe him without the aid of my breasts and straight up knocked me on my face. My glasses are halfway across the room. Of course I am upset and after finding my glasses and agreeing with myself that I've had enough and I'm not helping him, I lay him in his playpen. His playpen is the only piece of equipment that I have that he can not climb out of.
9:00 PM - Nicholas is still screaming "Momma" in the most pititful voice ever heard and I'm about to cut my ears off with a spoon. I decide to get away. He is safe, dry, clean, with a cup and he can't escape or get hurt. I go outside with Hanna. Normally I stand at the door and let her do her thing but not last night, I went out with her.
9:15 PM - Hanna enjoyed 15 minutes of outside and I return to a quiet house. Ahh. Peace.
11:30 PM - Nicholas wakes up, screaming.
12:00 AM - Nicholas is still screaming.
12:15 PM - Nicholas cried hisself to sleep.
2:30 AM - Nicholas was up, screaming and at this point, I can't take the screaming anymore so I give in and get him out of the playpen. I took him to the living room and rocked him to sleep, successfully and without the tit.
3:00 AM - I quit rocking and lay him in his Daddy's chair. Now I am too sleepy to sleep and I get on the computer.
6:30 AM - Nicholas wakes up, walks through the house until he finds me. He takes my hand, I guess he's tired of screaming by now, and leads me into the kitchen. The little shit demanded a banana, explain "bite bite" to me. He was hungry. *giggle*

Now that you've read that, I bet that you think that I had it easy. I didn't mention the pain from my boobs. Yesturday was nothing compared to this. Its like the crowning moment in childbirth, when you are too tired to go on, your whole body is trembling and the doctor tells you to not push so that he can clean out the baby's mouth and nose. You want to push, you really do but you know that you can't and you don't but you are sure that you're going to die any second. The only difference in the pain that I suffer from now and the pain that you have when you give birth is that at birth, the pain disappears when you see the baby. With breasts, you see the baby and they ache more. It would be so easy to whip out a tit and just give it to him when he starts crying and my tits ache worse. Had I not suffered with this pain for 24 hours now, I would have given up. I'm stubborn so I am not giving in but a bitch needs a break.


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