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I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

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the life of a mother with youth

Sunday, December 12, 2004
In Sickness And In Health...

When Tim and I got married I do not think that we realized just what we were getting ourselves into. Tim said the following vows:
I, Tim , take thee, April, to be my wedded wife.
To have and to hold,
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love, honor and obey,
till death do us part.
According to God's holy ordinance,
and there to I pledge thee my faith.

I said these vows:
I, April, take thee, Tim, to be my wedded husband.
To have and to hold,
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love, honor and to cherish,
till death do us part.
According to God's holy ordinance,
and there to I pledge thee my faith.

It has came about in our household that Mom, God forbid, got sick. I was so sick that I didn't have the strength to speak. All orifices were exploding to which I had no control. Finally Tim had the opportunity to fulfill one of his vows, "in sickness and in health." This post, dear reader, is the best reproduction that I can recall.

We were Christmas shopping for the boys. I refuse to allow "Santa" in the picture because I'm not sure how people expect to raise honest children if you lie to them until they are old enough to be the wiser. Anyway, we were shopping for Peek-A-Blocks for Nicholas and actually found a Hungry Hippo thing that is really cute. We aren't really sure as to what we want to get Isaac. Tim wants to get him a pack of Sports balls. So we were shopping merrily along when I get a *groan* pain in my tummy. I stopped and looked at Tim, with what he says was "the widest that I've ever seen them". I didn't say a word to him and rushed toward the bathroom. Upon my arrival, the one stalled bathroom was hosting a mini pee party consisting of a mother/daughter combo in the stall and a waiting mother/daughter combo. I was turning green and choking down my, needing to burst free, bodily fluids. The waiting mother/daughter combo suggested that I go first but in an attempt to be the only sick person in the bathroom I insisted that she go first. I should not have done that. The little girl had the worst smelling bowels that I've ever encountered - even those belonging to my husband. So now I'm choking puke and gaining a new reason to just let it fly. The woman was rushing the poor little girl but I think it was because she couldn't stand the smell of her daughter's poo. Finally they get out of the stall and I fly in with trash can in hand. Removing the necessary clothing, I sat down and let it all go. I literally exploded. I'm not sure if it was the sounds or just a coincidence but no one entered the bathroom. After completing my disposals, I cleaned my mess and tied the trash bag. While on my way back to Tim, I happen to find the store manager. The look on her face was priceless.
"Excuse me, are you the manager of this fine establishment?"

"Why yes I am."

"Great, then you are the person that I need to speak with."

"What can I help you with?"

"I just got sick in the bathroom. I cleaned the mess but you may want to get one of your associates to remove and replace the trash bag."

*priceless look*

"Okay, thank you."

I found Tim and insisted that we leave immediately. We had other errands to run and we did so. We left from the store, went to get Tim's check, deposited it, picked Isaac up from school and finally we to the landlord's house to pay the rent and approve the closing papers on the house before the signing scheduled next Friday. I only puked three times while we were going over the papers. Each time, I went into the bathroom and tried doing it as soundless as possible - if that is possible. I was not covering well, they suggested that we take a copy home and call when I felt better. So be it. Tim drove us home - yet another good excuse to puke. When we arrived, he ordered me to the bed. I did not argue. He then knew that I was certifiably down with something that was stronger than me. If you'll read the vows carefully, he said "obey" not me. I stripped naked and climbed in bed with the pinch of energy that I had been saving for such a journey. Tim came up with the kids and piled blankets on me.

Throughout my sickness, it was not the puking, exploding ass, chills, fever or missing energy that got to me. It was listening, from my bed, to my family interacting without me. Nicholas wasn't crying for me. Isaac wasn't being his usual noisy self and Tim was wrestling with both of them on the living room floor. I fell asleep. After 3 hours though, he called in the reinforcements : Grandma. When she arrived a Pow-wow was performed in my bedroom. I spoke my requests and, again, I was demanded to stay in bed. No fighting from me. The kids were jumping on the bed, making it very hard not to puke on them, so I ordered them all out and I went back to sleep. I recall Nicholas being brought in for his ritual feedings but that is about it.

How am I now you ask?
Up to 175% of my usual 200%. I just can't bring myself to do anything but relax so I'm listening to my body and doing nothing but relaxing -- and you guys thought I am a compulsive cleaner. HA!


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