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I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

(Not Limited To) cleaning, cooking, sewing, crocheting, quilting, walking, 500 piece jigsaw puzzles, driving, web design and graphics

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the life of a mother with youth

Saturday, November 27, 2004
X Rated - Read At Own Risk...

Okay, before you read this post, I recommend that you first use the potty. I've been giggling about it all day. This is an indepth journey into my twisted head.

Today, Tim and I decide that we need newer used furniture. Most of you know by now that I like to help people out. In addition to giving blood every 56 days and chopping my hair off for kids with cancer, we also buy slightly used furniture from Habitat For Humanity. For those of you that don't know, Habitat For Humanity is an organization comprised of volunteers. They build houses for under priviledged families. The families that receive the house also has to complete so many volunteer hours on the building of their home as well a different home project. It is really great for my community and yours because this organization is international. Anyways, Habitat For Humanity gets funding for building supplies from companies, individuals and buy selling donated items. Locally, we have a Habitat For Humanity Shoppe. I've always liked to browse there because the items found there are usually in really good condition and priced well. Anyways, we went to see what they had in the furniture department. Dedicated readers know that we purchased a house not too long ago that will fit four of our old house inside it. We are just beginning to fill up the space. Perhaps it was by fate of a greater spirit but my grandfather happened to stop by with his pick-up truck moments before our planned departure. He tagged along, with his pick-up truck.

We get to the HFH Shoppe and browse through the entire store. I immediately spotted the furniture that I had in mind to replace the existing furniture. We purchased, loaded and delivered our brand new used furniture to our oversized house. We were removing our older used furniture when it dawned on me how many times Tim and I had gotten freaky on the items. Okay, I will stop right here and do some explaining before you guys think that we are nymphos. Tim and I had no other choice but to have marital affairs in the living room due to the fact that our bed has been taken over by a cover hogging 7 month old for the past 7 months. Nicholas has slept with us from day one. When you're married and have kids, you'll experience these bed bugs from time to time and completely understand our business in the living room.

A huge smile came over my face and I informed Tim that we should keep the furniture for the apartment that we are building in the basement. He ask why and I explained that it was for mostly sentimental value. He shrugged and we carried the furniture, together, into the basement. Since we have kids, we were always careful about left behind bodily fluids. So careful that there was never any left behind bodily fluids. Not everyone is so clean about their dirty business and no, I am not a compulsive cleaner. This is proof that I believe in prevention first.

As we hoisted the new used furniture into the house, I began thinking about the origin of our furniture. I started laughing.
"*laughing* Ouch, stop, I can't carry this thing and laugh too." I moaned as I dropped the sofa on my already broken pinky toe.

"Exactly why are you laughing?" inquired Tim.

"Um, did ya ever stop to think if someone had left nut juice on this sofa?"


"Yes it is gross."

"Okay, so we'll put a cover over it until you clean it."


"Holy shit, that's why you want to keep our old couch."

"Um, no, not exactly."

"Sure it is, you want to look it over really good and make sure that we didn't leave nut juice. You're sick woman."

"Excuse me but if there was nut juice on our sofa, which there isn't, then you'd be the one that left it behind. That doesn't make me sick. I just want to laugh at conservative people that may sit on that couch one day."

"Why would you laugh at a conservative person?"

"Can you imagine Tim? 'wow this is a nice sofa' 'yeah, we broke it in real good' and then me smack your ass. Can you imagine the look on their face and how fast would you think that they would jump out of it?" At this point I am laughing so hard that I need a potty.

"You're still sick, pick the damned sofa up, it's cold out here."

I may be just a little twisted but I can't wait for an opportunity to make someone blush. As for the furniture, it is in great condition - no visible traces of nut juice and the covers are in place until Monday morning when I can rent a steam cleaner. The only problem with the new used furniture is that it is the wrong color. You guys have seen our rug:

The new used furniture is a really pretty blue but I like the rug and it is staying. Instead, I will recover the current blue with a blend of something spectacular to make it all match. My thoughts as of now are on a green color with maybe some darker tan trim. Who knows what I'll come up with but before/after pictures will be taken and shared. I wonder if Fancy Gap Variety is open tomorrow. Fancy Gap Variety is the greatest place to get upholstery fabric from. The quality is unmatched and the price is right too.

~~oh no, here comes another idea and it does not involve nut juice


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