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I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

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the life of a mother with youth






Thursday, September 30, 2004
my heart stopped today...

The following post is extremely emotional, involves very personal information and features a little more graphic language than you, dear reader, are accustomed to. Those with weak hearts, stomachs or tender-eared beings should not read this post.

This morning went smoothly, Isaac went to school feeling great about his self and his health. Nicholas and I cleaned the house and gathered laundry to wash tomorrow. About noon, we laid down cuddled together, under his new quilt, and slept peacefully until the alarm sounded at 2:00 PM. Nicholas remained asleep and I got up to wake up a little before the bus came, bringing Isaac home at 2:30 PM. When Isaac got here, he ate as he watched television. The programming on Isaac's televisions are educational channels only. He was learning about snakes and commenting on how gross they looked. Shortly after, we all sat down together on Isaac's couch and read a book and hung out, like we usually do after school. At 4:30 PM, a shit pain came over my body. I locked the doors on the front of the house as well as the basement door and put Nicholas in his walker. I turned on the television and left them to go 10 foot away to the bathroom.

I heard Isaac shaking the door that goes to the basement. Tim installed a hook and eye lock to the top of the basement door when we moved in the house, as recommended by child safety experts. As soon as I heard him pulling on the door, I yelled at him and told him to stop, that as soon as I got finished, I would open the door for him. The noise stopped. 1 minute later and just as I was wiping my ass, I heard something going down the basement steps. I hurried because Nicholas was in his walker, assuming that Isaac was the noise I heard going down the stairs, and I didn't want him to have the opportunity to go down the steps his self in the walker. I rounded the corner leading to the basement door when Nicholas started screaming from the bottom of the steps. I swear I didn't even touch a step on the way down. Nicholas was laying on the floor on his stomach and the walker was a good foot away from his body, upside down. I freaked out. I carefully got Nicholas up, as to not further damage anything that was already damaged, and began loving on him as I instructed Isaac, who was on the riding lawn mower, to get upstairs now. Isaac didn't resist and did as he was told, telling me all of the way up the 20 stairs that he was sorry that he left the door open. I tried calling the doctor's office immediately but Nicholas was screaming so that I couldn't even hear the voice prompts of the automated voice system. I hung up and called Mom. She couldn't hear what I was saying for Nicholas's shrieks so she hung up and came over instantly.

My car is in the shop. It began overheating before Tim went to work and it has been in the shop every since. I have no transportation at all, with the exception of my mother.

While I waited for Mom to get here, I walked, patted, 'shhh'ed, rocked and tried my best from getting upset, for Nicholas's sake. He usually likes the outdoors, so I told Isaac to put his shoes on and we went into the front yard. I kept an eagle eye on Isaac as I pointed out the sky, birds, clouds and passing cars to Nicholas. Eventually, he calmed down to the point that he wasn't screaming constantly. He let out a yelp every so often but there were breaks in between them. I could handle this.

A span of 10 minutes passed before Mom got here. I was an emotional wreck as she pulled into the driveway. The car wasn't even in park before she jumped out demanding to know what happened. You would have to meet my Mom but she is probably like your Mom, loud; over protective at times and in charge of everything. Those happen to by my favorite traits by the way. I gave her a briefing and passed Nicholas to her to keep her from going into an emotional shock. I ran back inside of the house to call the doctor's office:

"Good Afternoon, this is S, how can I help you?"

"This is April, my son Nicholas, 5 months old, just fell down a flight of stairs in his walker and I need to know if I can bring him in or if I need to go to the emergency room."

"Um, hold on and I'll transfer you to triage."

*transferred to a voicemail*
*I hang up, completely appalled and dialed again*

"Good Afternoon, this is S, how can I help you?"

"This is April, you stupid fucking bitch, my son is 5 months old and just fell down a fucking FLIGHT of stairs, not one or two stairs but twenty. I don't have time to talk to your ignorant ass or a fucking voice mail, I need to the speak with Dr. D NOW. Do you think you can handle that?"

*hold music*

"April, this is S, Dr. D says for you to bring him in as soon as you can get here."

*I hung up*

We piled in Mom's car and drove straight to the doctor's office. As soon as I got into the lobby, I went to the window to check in. The glass was closed and the chicks behind that glass were bullshitting about something that was not important. I tapped on the glass. The chick sitting closest to the window held her index finger up, signaling me to wait a minute.

"Fuck you bitch, do your job and quit gossiping."

I immediately turned around and went into the door that leads to the patient rooms. Several people tried to stop me but after they saw my face and the expression it had on it, no one dared. I went straight to Dr. D's desk, she looked up from her papers and stood up quickly, she showed me into and room and told me that as soon as she washed her hands, she would be in. She was. She looked him over, checking his arms and legs, fingers and toes, then finally in his ear. She told me that if it were a concussion, blood would be in his ears. There was no blood but to be on the safe side, she wanted me to go to the emergency room to have a CT Scan and X-Rays done. She called ahead as I went out of the door of the office building on my way to the hospital.

Mom and the boys, Austin and Isaac, sat in the car waiting for me. Mom can control them better, together, while they are in seat belts. It was a good thing too because we had no time to waste. The hospital is 5 minutes away from the doctor's office but it seemed like an hour.

She drove up where the ambulances go in, Nicholas and I got out of the car and went straight in. No paperwork was filed and we were shipped instantly into a room. It so happened to be the same room that Audrey was put in as the staff tried to revive her. It was the same bed. I couldn't touch it and stayed near the door, refusing to place Nicholas in the exact same bed that Audrey was declared dead on. It was there that I began to pray. I do not pray. I have religion and believe but do not partake in the social bullshit that is expected when you are religious. I do not attend church and haven't for years but I prayed. I prayed to God that if Nicholas were alright, I would go to church and its events, every one of them from now on.

We waited for 2 minutes before the ER doctor came in. He gave the same brief exam that Dr. D did and instructed me to follow him to the CT Scan room. Two nurses stood, waiting on us, to strap Nicholas into a papoose to hold his little body still while the internal pictures were being taken. The nurses left and entered the adjoining room that had a window to see into the room that we were in. We communicated through an intercom system. Nicholas was really upset, still, even before the papoose, but was straight up pissed off that now he was fully restrained.

"April, do you have a pacifier for Nicholas?"

"Nope."

"I am going to send a nurse up to the second floor to get him one, okay?"

"No need, he won't take it."

"Do you happen to have a bottle?"

"No, he is breastfed."

*the doctor walks into the room with the two nurses*

"Doctor, April isn't cooperating with us, she refuses Nicholas to have a pacifier and she didn't think to bring a bottle."

*she forgot to turn off the intercom"

"Excuse me you stupid bitch. I am a mother, with an infant child and no diaper bag. If that isn't plain enough, I've told you twice now that he is breastfed. He will not take a pacifier and even if he would, it would confuse him when he takes the breast the next time. If you can't do your job, move aside and call someone that can but please quit making excuses as to why you are dragging your ass while my son is strapped onto a board screaming - where it so happens that I can not comfort him."

*intercom is turned off*


It took about 10 minutes for the doctor to get the pictures that he needed. He sent the nurse away and told her not to let me see her, ever. Nicholas was still strapped in the papoose as he was moved to X-Ray, a couple of doors down. He was laid on the table and the lab technician hurried to get the x-rays. A total of 20 minutes in the papoose, Nicholas was coming out one way or another. He allowed the x-rays to be taken but as soon as the technician said, "that's it, we got them," Nicholas removed his legs from that papoose and was struggling to get his arms out. I stepped up the same time that the technician did and we quickly removed Nicholas from the papoose. He, immediately, quieted down and found himself content on my breast, sucking happily.

I was instructed to sit in a chair in the hallway while the pictures from the scan and x-ray were reviewed. A man who passed me in the hall stopped, turned around and looked at me.

"April?"

"Yes."

"Hi, remember me? Think 10 years ago and a lot more hair on my head."

"Kevin?" I was completely stunned. I went to school with this guy in MIDDLE SCHOOL for about 1 year (remember I was quiet) and he remembered me.

"You got it. What are you doing here?"

"Lost story but I'm waiting for the slow ass scan/x-ray reader to look at my scans to tell me if my child is okay."

*he giggled*

"Sorry about that, I am that slow ass. Give me enough time to look them over thoroughly. Had I known it was you, I would have ran after receiving the page."

I was really flattered, NOT, I am a concerned mother, not a school girl interested in a balding geek! Surely he can pick better times to hit on someone. About 10 minutes later, Kevin came out of his office and told me that he was finished and the ER doctor was on his way, for Nicholas and me to come in and get cozy.

"You have a beautiful baby, looks just like you."

"Thanks."

"Wow, would you look at those eyes, gorgeous, just like yours."

"Listen Kevin, any other time I would probably be flattered at your comments, however, at this moment in time, I am very concerned about my child. I think it is important for you to also know that I have my own balding husband and there is not room in our lives for another, short of our children. Can we please just cut the bullshit?"

"Whoa, you haven't changed."

"I don't mean to be rude but the only reason I am talking to you at all is because you are the only one that can tell me what, if anything, is wrong with Nicholas. So why don't you just tell me right now."

*ER doctor enters*

"Because he is waiting on me, which he isn't anymore, so give it to us - how's the tot?"

"I have reviewed the CT Scans as well as the x-rays and I have found no fractures, breaks, chips or calcium deposits on any of his bones. Further more, his CT Scan reveals no signs of internal bleeding, irregular brain activity or infected areas. To insure accuracy, I've sent the documents to a colleague who will report anything to me. I will call you either way with the results from his evaluation. However, Nicholas does have the beginning stages of a sinus infection."

"Good deal, come on April."

"Thanks Kevin."

"Oh, its my job April. The ironic part is that I had to wait 13 years and your child take a serious fall for me to finally get your number."

"Ha, call me for any other reason but the results from your colleague and I will put a restraining order on you for harassment, as well as sue you for improper use of medical records and breech of patient/doctor relationship."

"Fair enough."

We were put back in the room to await more results when Erica came waltzing in. She came with two drinks, one of which I immediately grabbed. I was so thirsty. Apparently, mom called her and requested that she come to help with the boys but Erica could not find her in the parking lots and decided to track me down first. One of the drinks were for Mom. Erica took Nicholas from me and ask me to find Mom and take her the drink. I ran, literally, outside and straight to Mom, handed her the drink and told her that Erica was with Nicholas. She told me that Tim called and was very upset that I didn't call him. Tim is a thousand miles away, maneuvering an 18-wheeler through Las Vegas traffic during peak time. Why would I call him before I could tell him what, if anything, was wrong with Nicholas? I rolled my eyes at Mom and called Tim, updating him on what I knew thus far and explaining what happened. In between breaths, I sucked a cigarette down. When I got off of the phone, I told Mom that Erica would be out to relieve her as soon as I returned and I ran back into Nicholas. I was only gone for 5 minutes but he screamed the entire time. Once he was in my arms, he quieted down and I was able to tell Erica where Mom was, she left and Mom came into the room. We took turns holding him, mostly to comfort ourselves. I still refused to lay him on the bed. Shortly after, the doctor returned and said that everything was fine, give him tylenol for pain every 4 hours and start the already prescribed Zythromax but most importantly not to let Nicholas be in walker without my full attention on him.

Nicholas is fine, a little banged up with several bruises and knots but nothing internally wrong and no open wounds. It was too late tonight but first thing in the morning, after Isaac and Austin are off to school, I will be visiting the neighborhood hardware store for an automatic locking, key required to open, lock for the basement door, as well as any other safety device required to ensure that my kids won't get hurt while I take a shit. We will be the first in church on Sunday, as I will keep my promise to God since he kept his to me.

~~not feeling plucky at all, lucky fits though.

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