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I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

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the life of a mother with youth






Friday, September 03, 2004
in search of the skinny...

You should all know, by now, that I have received a brand spanking new Gazelle. The Gazelle has been assembled and this morning, I got up at the ass crack of dawn, on my own, and did my workout. Before I provide the hilarious details, let's explore a few words.

According to Webster Dictionary:


Main Entry: ga·zelle
Pronunciation: g&-'zel
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural gazelles also gazelle
Etymology: French, from Middle French, from Arabic ghazAl
: any of numerous small to medium graceful and swift African and Asian antelopes (Gazella and related genera)


Main Entry: free·style
Pronunciation: 'frE-"stIl
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
1 : a competition in which the contestant is given more latitude than in related events; especially : swimming competition in which the swimmer may use any stroke
2 : CRAWL 2
- free·styl·er noun

Main Entry: elite
Pronunciation: A-'lEt, i-, E-
Function: noun
Etymology: French élite, from Old French eslite, from feminine of eslit, past participle of eslire to choose, from Latin eligere
1 a singular or plural in construction : the choice part : CREAM b singular or plural in construction : the best of a class c singular or plural in construction : the socially superior part of society d : a group of persons who by virtue of position or education exercise much power or influence e : a member of such an elite -- usually used in plural
2 : a typewriter type providing 12 characters to the linear inch
- elite adjective

Main Entry: work·out
Pronunciation: 'w&rk-"aut
Function: noun
1 : a practice or exercise to test or improve one's fitness for athletic competition, ability, or performance
2 : a test of one's ability, capacity, stamina, or suitability

18 entries found for fat. The first 10 are listed below.
To select an entry, click on it. For more results, click here.
fat[1,adjective]fat[2,transitive verb]fat[3,noun]brown fatchew[1,verb]deep fatfat bodyfat catfat cellfat depot

Main Entry: 3fat
Function: noun
1 : animal tissue consisting chiefly of cells distended with greasy or oily matter
2 a : oily or greasy matter making up the bulk of adipose tissue and often abundant in seeds b : any of numerous compounds of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen that are glycerides of fatty acids, are the chief constituents of plant and animal fat, are a major class of energy-rich food, and are soluble in organic solvents but not in water c : a solid or semisolid fat as distinguished from an oil
3 : the best or richest part
4 : OBESITY
5 : something in excess : SUPERFLUITY
- fat·less /-l&s/ adjective




This morning, at 6:00am, I rolled out of bed and stretched my legs into my addidas pants and a sports bra. This is a very scary outfit to see me in but the only one that was awake was Justin and he didn't seem to mind. I turned on the coffee pot and went into the living room, where my Gazelle is set up properly (including the power pistons that put resistance into the workout) in front of the big screen tv. Last night, I set the vcr up and placed the workout video in it, so that all I would have to do this morning is climb on my Gazelle Freestyle Elite and turn on the tv. Once on the Gazelle, I turned on the tv and vcr and pressed play on the remote strategically placed on the shelf beside of the Gazelle. Off I went, with a 2 minute warm-up, that isn't included in on the 10 minute workout for beginners. According to this video, anyone who does not participate in exercise regularly is a beginner. Aside from chasing kids, I do not participate in regular activity thus making me a beginner. Throughout the workout, I could only think about how annoying this Tony Little guy is. He designed the Gazelle and personally does the workout videos. Doesn't he look annoying?


Once the workout started, I managed to keep up with Tony Little's exact steps for about the first 2 minutes. The sweat started pouring from my brow, my limbs slick with sweat, almost out of breath and 2 minutes later (4 minutes total)I was counting down to 10 minutes and dreading the remaining 6 minutes, no longer able to keep up with his exact steps but I managed to stay close. At this point, Justin is laughing at me and my inability to breath properly and replace actual breaths with pants instead. He even made the, "whoa, never heard you pant before," comment. Gee thanks for the support Justin. Despite my obvious struggle with breathing, I managed to get a "fuck you" out between gasps of air. He grinned at me largely and decided to stay quiet for another minute. During this minute I began constructing a puddle of sweat beneath me. There is nothing more annoying than feeling sweat run down the inside of your thighs while you are trying to do something, trust me on this one, and not being able to get your breath when breathing is a necessity for the activity that is causing you to sweat so profusely. Justin, bless is little heart that I plan on ripping out when he gets home from work, tried to encourage my slowing being by becoming my lamaze coach, "breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out." Ok, so it did help and I was able to stay focused for the remaining 4 minutes of the 10 minute beginners workout. With 3 minutes left, I started regretting the power pistons on the first workout and began rethinking the workout without them. My entire body is drenched in its own fluid, if it were possible to drown, I would have. My breathing has leveled off to the point that I could make 3 or 4 word sentences and according to Mr. Little, that is exactly where it should be. With 2 minutes to go, I was able to exactly match Tony's steps again and was feeling very confident about the entire process. Just when I got the hang of things, "Beginners cool down for 2 - 3 minutes and take pulse" came on the screen. Thank God! I used the 3 minutes to slowly, but progressively slow down. Due to my desire to do this workout right, I had already watched the video completely and learned to cool down and stretch after a workout. I cooled down, stretched and stopped on the machine for a minute of reflection before getting off. Key questions to answer:

How do I feel?
A. Sticky, thankful that I have my breath back, but overall very okay.

Did anything in particular hurt?
A. While still on the machine, I could feel nothing pulled, burning, out of place or under unusual stress. Upon getting off, I got the same sensation that you do when you get off of a treadmill and it took a moment for me to get my "land legs" back but nothing hurt.

At what point did I feel a physical difference after the workout?
A. LOWER BODY - That would be when I tried going downstairs with a full laundry basket of dirty laundry and my legs didn't want to cooperate. Luckily, I didn't drop the basket or fall down the stairs but it was a challenge. UPPER BODY - Oh yes, when picking up Nicholas for the first time today and my arms tried to rebel.

When will I put myself through this again?
A. 6:00AM tomorrow morning.

Why will I put myself through this again?
A. To misplace my fat, gain muscle and hopefully lean this 24 year old body back into my school girl figure, or better.

What are my goals?
A.
  • Lose excess body fat and get my percentage down to the average for women - 13-25%. Preferably closer to the 13% since I am through with having children and no longer need the excess to support my body during child bearing.
  • Tone up. I have thigh flab to my knees, belly where my thighs should be and my arm waves bye-bye for too many moments after I stop waving.
  • Feel better. Emotionally, of course. It is a proven scientific fact that regular exercise releases stress.


  • When was the last time you worked out? For how long? What duration of time did your workout routine sustain?

    ~~feels like a woman

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