Who Me?
I am a creative, homely and domesticated mother of two very active boys, the loving, loyal and by rare request slutty wife to my considerably older husband, a devoted daughter to my mother, uncivilized to the rest of my family and misunderstood by everyone else. Like I give a flying rats ass.

(Not Limited To) cleaning, cooking, sewing, crocheting, quilting, walking, 500 piece jigsaw puzzles, driving, web design and graphics

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the life of a mother with youth

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
my mind is racing, buckle up...

I think the newness of school has worn off of Isaac. This morning, he didn't want to get up to go to school. I literaly had to drag him out of bed and dress him. I'm thinking that I prefer the 5:30am mornings and coffee.

Mom and I went to Winston-Salem today to upgrade my cellphone. After the whole day, a slow ass Sprint PCS technician and $250 charge on a card, I have a brand new cellphone with camera feature. WOOHOO! Expect pictures in the near future, showcasing a daily picture to sum up my day.

brb - need to reboot

Okay, while rebooting, I thought I should describe how hidiously (thanks Hima)ugly this slow ass Sprint PCS technician was. I'm fairly tall (5 foot 10in) and this dude was between my belly button and shoulders. His head was bigger than the rest of his body and oddly shaped. On this huge head of his was a bushy, afroish, brown and very unruly hair. It was almost like:

Monday, August 30, 2004
"Easy Bedtimes" #1 Magazine Article to share

"The Ultimate Guide to Easy Bedtimes"
By: Jessica Brown
found in "Child" magazine

your child's sleep style your action plan what not to do
The Crier

Your child sobs endlessly in his crib when you put him down.

Typical age: Newborn to 6 months.
Create a quiet, soothing environment at home before bedtime. Swaddling your baby and running a white noise machine or CD (available at purewhitenoise.com) will mimic his experience in the womb, comforting him and leading to deeper sleep. White noise also drowns out household sounds that may awaken your little one. Avoid running to your infant whenever you hear the slightest whimper. Keep in mind that many babies make little noises in their sleep. If you do enter his room, simply pat him gently or jostle the crib lightly to soothe him. Picking your baby up or talking to him prevents your child from learning to fall asleep without you.
The Frequent Waker

Your child is up every few hours throughout the night.

Typical age: Newborn to 6 months.
During the day, feed your baby in a dimly lit, quiet room to keep her from viewing feedings as stimulating. If she falls asleep while feeding at night, wke her up by jostling her slightly before returning her to the crib. If this problem continues or emerges suddenly after the baby years, consult your pediatrician to determine the cause. Don't play with or sing to your baby when she wakes at night; it rewards the behavior. Brest milk exits the stomach faster than bottle milk, so breastfed newborns will wake up more frequently. Refrain from night feedings when it becomes clear that she's feeding for comfort instead of nourishment (usually by 9 months).
The Tantrum Thrower

Your child cries, screams, and has a meltdown when bedtime is announced.

Typical age:Mainly toddlers; some preschoolers.
Develop a relaxing bedtime ritual that your child looks forward to--a bedtime story, lullabies, talking together about the day. If a tantrum occurs, carry your child to bed without saying a word. Talking will simply stall bedtime--his aim in the first place. If he won't stay in bed, follow the action plan for "the wanderer" below. Also, make sure your child isn't napping too long or too late. Don't spank your child or speak to him harshly; it will only make him dread bedtime more. Some kids might have nighttime speaaration anxiety if they never learned to fall asleep by themselves. In this case, try introducing a "lovey" like a blanket or special stuffed animal that he can carry during the day and sleep with at night.

The Staller

Your child makes constant requests, delaying her bedtime.

Typical age:Preschoolers
Create an illustrated chart of your bedtime routine(one sotry, one drink of water, and so on, ending with a picture of a ticket that allows the bearer one extra request). The chart will curtail endless demands by laying out the rules clearly. In addition, your child will feel more secure knowing that the ticket gives her access to you. Signal the end of the routine by turning off the light. Very important: Don't be inconsistent. If you give in to your child's requests after she's used her tickey, she'll continue to nag you every night. Side not: Spend more uninterrupted time with your child earlier in the day. If bedtime is the only time your little one has your undivided attention, she'll be more apt to stall.

The Wanderer

Your child wakes up in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep without a parent.

Typical age: Toddlers and preschoolers
If your child wanders into your bedroom, lead him back to his bed--without saying a word or saying very little--even if you have to do it several times a night. The lack of chit-chat will reinforce the message that there is no benefit to going into your room. Avoid body contact with your child as he's falling asleep. Keeping your phsical distance will help him learn to go back to sleep without you if he wakes in the night. If you don't believe in cosleeping, don't let your child into your bed--he'll quickly become a bed-switcher.
The Night Owl

Your child becomes energized at night and seems to take forever to fall asleep.

Typical age: Preschoolers and school-age kids
Turn off the computer as bedtime approaches. Some experts believe the monitor's light mimics daylight, tricking the body into wakefulness. Have your child stick to her regular sleep schedule on weekends; in some kids, even a one-hour change can reset their body clock. Don't let your child have a television in her room or watch one close to bedtime; studies show it's associated with sleep disturbances. In addition, don't let your child play or do homework in bed. Using a bed for activities oth than sleeping confuses the body.
Still struggling over bedtime? Ask Will Wilkoff, M.D., for advice on the Sleep Dilemmas board at www.child.com/community.

upon cleaning my desk, I found...

Ok, so I decided to clean the desk when I couldn't find the current electric bill. All of our bills, before we moved, were paid online and there was no paper. Now that we have moved, most of the new companies (telephone, cable, electricity) prefer that you keep your paper bill current for 3 months before you switch to autopay. I don't get it, I mean if you're autopay - they get their money ON time and FOR sure. Anyways, my desk was in severe need of my attention. Upon opening, stapling, sorting, filing, trashing, wiping and generally organizing, I found:

  • 2 Surveys: One for baby formula use and the other for a $5000 giveaway hosted by the producers of my cigarettes. Both have been completed and are located in the "Out" mail slot.

  • 15 Parenting Magazines. I'll skim through and pick out only the best articles to share with you all.

  • 2 recycling bins of trash including; empty envelopes, junk mail, and newspapers. The magazines go in there next.

  • 1 fairly large stack of misprinted papers, Isaac can color on the back of these and save a couple of trees.

  • Driving logs, belonging to my husband, for the last 8 months.

  • 1, 125ct box of business envelopes. I really need these now that I have to MAIL OUT PAYMENTS.

  • Several valuable coupons for baby stuff that Nicholas actually uses.

  • The cordless phone - only after it began ringing though.

  • Disks featuring family pictures for May and June.

  • Tag notice for my car. Good thing that I decided to do this today, my tag
    happens to run out TODAY.

  • 3 of Isaac's cups. These were found in a drawer that I never use.

  • 20+ graphics orders from previous customers.

  • Nicholas! He was in his walker and somehow got under the pull-out keyboard tray area.

  • Due to the items that I found on my desk, my To-Do list has changed a bit for today. Instead of relaxing and enjoying Nicholas while Isaac is at school, I have this to do:

  • Get tag for car.
  • Go to post office for stamps.
  • Mail surveys while at post office.
  • Call Fitness Quest and bitch about my Gazelle not being here yet.
  • Take garbage and recycling bins to trash facility.

  • *deep sigh*

    ~~busy again, damn it!

    Sunday, August 29, 2004
    feeling artsy...

    I think I am going to make some quilts. It is getting to be winter time and around this time every year in the early 1900's, women would begin their quilts for the winter. I'm feeling just a tad bit on the early 1900's side so I am going to make a quilt, or four. It would be groovy to make everyone their own quilt for their bed. Super groovy.


    This is the first quilt I am going to attempt.

    Saturday, August 28, 2004
    rip roaring tornado...

    The damnest thing happened today. After taking Justin to work, I return to find Nicholas screaming, Daddy watching TV and Isaac playing in his room. I quickly loved on Nicholas, to calm him down, and began a discussion with Tim about cleaning the house. Nicholas and I went to retrieve more coffee and returned to find a sleeping Daddy. I enjoyed that last cup of coffee before I dove into the back portion of the house and began cleaning.

    I, of course, started in Isaac's room. I am not sure why I like starting there but in my mind it is a good place to start. I put away all of his toys, made the beds, uncluttered the toys from his closet and swept the rug. Then I put the rug on one of the made beds and proceeded with the floor. Again, I now believe that carpet has to be the nastiest thing on this earth because I clean these floors every other day and each room yields almost a full dust pan of dirt and other foreign objects. Next I used a store brand of cleaner on the floor and quickly decided that it was time to reorder the recommended cleanser for the type of flooring that we have. After cleaning the floor, I replaced the rug in Isaac's room and proceeded to the bathroom.

    In the bathroom, I cleaned from the ceilings to the floor. I did not clean the shower, it is Tim's duty to do so. Poor little Isaac must have the worst aim because I had to scrub, and I do this every other day, the floor twice. Gross.

    Next I headed into Nicholas' room. There isn't much cleaning to be done in there. The room is only ever used to change, dress and Nicholas take his naps. Again, the floor is the biggest task and despite the use of the room, a full dust pan is still the results after sweeping. Justin came home.

    Following the natural progression of the house, the hallway that connects the bathroom to Isaac's room and Nicholas' room was next - sweeping, cleaning the floor and disinfecting light switches. I had been cleaning for a good 2 hours and Nicholas had had enough. He wanted his Mommy and wanted her now. I laid down the brooms, mops, cleansers and dust pan, washed my hands and picked him up. As I fed him, my Mom came over for a minute. She was on her way to town and wanted to see if I needed anything. I didn't but the visit was good. I came back into the house, with Nicholas, and discovered that Isaac and Justin were now taking a nap and Tim was awake. After a few minutes passed, my Grandpa came over.

    When 'Papa' comes over, I am expected to cook a feast. After feeding Nicholas, I laid him in his crib and began cooking. Had I known Papa was coming over, I would have cleaned the kitchen first. I hate cooking in a dirty kitchen. I had put a whole chicken in the oven earlier so that it could cook slowly and be tender and juicy. Papa requested, "side meat and cabbage." Side meat is literally the portion of fat between a pigs ass muscles and skin. Yummy right? *laughing* Supper ended up being:
    Tonight's Menu

    baked chicken
    baked potatoes
    side meat
    homemade biscuits
    homemade coconut cream pie

    The kitchen looked like a tornado had blown through it. Everyone ate until their eyes were just about closed. Nicholas and I sat on the couch with Tim and fell asleep. We slept from 6:00PM until 10:00PM. When I woke up, Tim had laid Isaac down for the night and cleaned the kitchen - including the floor. All that is needed to do tomorrow is our bedroom and the house is once again clean.

    ~~satisfied and not sleepy (damn it!)

    Friday, August 27, 2004
    picture book...

    Today I've decided to catalog my day with pictures. Hope you enjoy...
    There were no kids, mothers or grandmothers injured in these pictures.

    "Look into my eyes..." Posted by Hello

    Nicholas Posted by Hello

    Mommy & Nicholas some more Posted by Hello

    Mommy & Nicholas Posted by Hello

    Meanass Posted by Hello

    Mean & Meaner Posted by Hello

    Lighting and Austin Posted by Hello

    "hmmm, what's next" Posted by Hello

    A kiss for Grandma. Posted by Hello

    Ass up Nich Posted by Hello

    Thursday, August 26, 2004
    my 69th post...

    Let's review.

    The most commonly known 69...

    As related to music...
    Woodstock Music and Art Fair which occurred in White Lake / Bethel, NY on August 15,16,17 in the year 1969.

    The Star 69 Records current and upcoming information section, where you will get the latest and greatest news from New York’s underground house and tribal dance music scene.

    As a star...
    M69 was discovered by Abbe Nicholas Louis de la Caille, who included it in his catalog of southern objects as Lacaille I.11. Charles Messier missed this southern cluster when he first looked for it in 1764, but found it with the better scope he had in 1780, and cataloged it on August 31, 1780.

    Let's not forget fashion...
    69-GEAR started with a vision of providing a hot alternative in apparel. We started small, selling our first product at local trade shows. We quickly learned that the demand for our product was beyond the scope of tradeshows and that we needed to not only offer our product on-line but in stores as well.

    A roadway?

    Ok, I'm sure that I've elaborated enough on 69. This is my 69th entry into this blog and I can assure you that I am proud of that fact. However, in my blissness, I will not be striping down naked, turning around - upside down - using my mouth - dancing - voting for a highway or buying clothes featuring the number. I'm just not that kind of flashy chick. In addition, my 69 style is slightly different that the descriptions above. My 69 consists of my knocking someone so hard in the face that their head is located between their legs and their ass comes to rest on their shoulders. Now that is kinky!

    ~~weird mood

    Wednesday, August 25, 2004
    deep sigh...

    Last night wasn't a good sleeping night either. Nicholas is not sleeping well at all. Maybe tonight will be better.

    My day.
    Isaac woke up early again but I was already up with Nicholas. Justin knocked on the door at 6:00am and was here long enough to run in and change clothes. I hate to tell him but I'm not going to be a storage facility for his shit and him come in and out as he pleases. I refuse to let him run over me. Since he has been here, he knows that I haven't been sleeping well and now he knows that I'm sick and his ass is still out chasing pussy while I wait for him to let him in. This is bullshit. Anyway, Isaac went off to school and Nicholas and I caught up on this blog. I straightened the house, not cleaned. Papa came over to take me to get the car. I was so tired last night that Tim drove his self to work. Nicholas and I took a nap before Isaac got out of school. Once Isaac arrived, we piled into the car to go to the doctor's office. Nicholas had his 4 month check up today. He is 14lbs 15.5oz and 29in long. He also got 4 shots, 2 in each leg - poor baby. We had cereal for dinner (Isaac's idea) but it was Multigrain Cheerios so I'm thinking it was ok in my sleep deprived, sick state of being. Everyone got a bath and was in bed at a very decent time, 7:45pm. Here I sit, waiting to let Justin and I've had just about enough. Sunday, I had to go get him at 8:30PM and he drug his ass getting his things from JW's. Monday he jumped up and went to work and we picked him up too and that evening, he left with Robby and got home at 5:30 in the morning but I took him to work and he worked and I picked him up. Then as soon as we got home, he was gone with Robby again and didn't come home until 6:00AM this morning and only long enough to change clothes and Robby supposedly took him to work. I haven't seen him since. If I had enough energy, I'd dump all of his shit at the end of the driveway.


    Isaac's first note from school...

    Apparently, the teachers have been having a bit of a crisis at nap time. Isaac just wouldn't lay down like the other kids and being that he is so much bigger (taller and stouter) than the other kids, they didn't try to make him. They requested on Friday that I bring his baby and blanket on Monday to see if it would help. I quickly told them that he would lay down with his baby and blanket but that if any other kid touched these items, it would not be good and I didn't want him being suspended before he had been in school a week. They both laughed and assured me that they would see to it that no other child have access to these items. So Monday, I sent his baby and blanket with him. This is the note that I got back in his backpack:
    Dear April,
    Thank-you so much for sending Isaac's blanket and baby. He took his first nap today. It was so much easier for him and for us. He did not cry at all at nap time. I really appreciate your help.

    Thanks Again,
    teacher #1


    Hey Howdy everyone. My apologies for appearing to be lazy in my blogging world and perhaps that is what it was. I've been super busy with family stuff since I posted last but I will catch you up here and you can see for yourself.

    Isaac went to school in a single leap onto the bus[van]. While he was at school, I ran to town with Mom and we picked both of the kids [Isaac and Austin] and took them shopping and out to eat. We had a blast! Isaac was great at school and I hoped he wouldn't wake me up at the ass crack of dawn again. *laughing*

    Isaac woke me up at the ass crack of dawn, completely dressed and needing coffee. I agreed and we again watched the sun come up. Shortly after Nicholas got up and Mom, my Dad and Austin were over for breakfast - tenderloin biscuits and gravy. We took the kids on a field trip to find a cowboy ranch that a man at the restaurant last night invited us to. We never found it and decided to go skating but the skating rink is for sale so that didn't work either. We ended up going to the park that I walk at semi-daily. The boys went swimming in the river. This required adult supervision and being that I was the youngest responsible parent, it was my duty to carefully go down the hill into the river with them. I was completely decked out, I even ironed my clothes, but I slipped on the rocks and got completely soaked. It was fun though. My Mom and Dad had a great time laughing at me and it was a glorious defeat until my Dad decided he wanted to play so he came down the hill and ended up busting his ass on the rocks and getting soaked as well. Mom was the only person who managed to stay dry. After getting out of the river, Isaac strips down naked and runs around that way until my dad took his shirt of *shivers* and tied it around Isaac. *laughing* Then we came back to my house and I made lunch. They ate, kids played and we talked - it was fun.

    Isaac, again, woke me up at 5:30am for coffee. This seems to be the new trend in my household and I don't really mind. I like getting up early. By 8:00am, we were on our way to pick up Tim. He is missing his boys a lot lately. He got Nicholas and Isaac out of the car to sit in the truck while he did paperwork and light cleaning. I packed up his dirty clothes and sheets, whew I knew that I'd have to use double fabric softener to get the smell of diesel out of them this time. We went to the grocery store before returning home. Tim carried Nicholas around the store and I do believe it was the first time that I realized that I he has been on my arm for so long now that if I don't have him, I walk crooked. *laughing*

    Isaac, once again, woke me up at 5:30am requesting coffee. It turned out to be a good thing though because one of our friends, Justin, is staying with us [Since Saturday] and he has to be to work at 7:00am. This enabled Tim to get a few cups of coffee in him before taking Justin to work. Tim got to send Isaac off to school for the first time his self and I do believe he was more emotional than I was. As soon as he came back into the house after sending Isaac to school, he got Nicholas and played with him most of the morning while I cleaned. We arrived at my first therapist appointment at 10:30am. We won't discuss the intelligence of that woman at this time. Around lunch time, we got Isaac a replacement remote for the TV in his room and pay our vehicle taxes so that I can get tags Friday. We zipped back to the house to be there in time enough to get Isaac off of the bus[van]. We jumped in the car again to go get Justin from work at 3:00pm. Tim, Justin, Nicholas, Isaac and I went straight to Mom's to do some yard work with her. Tim and Justin took turns weedeating while Mom and Isaac cut the grass. I sat with Nicholas on the yard furniture and Austin rode his bike behind the riding mower. We didn't arrive home until very close to 7:00pm. It was dinner, bath time and bedtime faster than usual. I didn't get done until 8:30pm and then I collapsed but my sleep was short lived because Nicholas woke up at 3:30am wanting to play.

    To Isaac's surprise, I woke him up for coffee. Since Nicholas was asleep, I took Justin to work and returned in time to get Isaac on the bus[van]. Tim spent most of the day working in our yard and I tried hard to catch up on sleep. Nicholas and I just couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. I did laundry, laundry and more laundry but it is done now. Isaac came home and my Papa came over. Tim, Papa and Isaac went to the store. Nicholas and I went to get Justin from work and then to the grocery store again for the items that we forgot Sunday. *laughing* We came home and I did the dinner, bath, bed time thing on time tonight. I even managed to give Tim and Isaac a haircut before bath time. Tim left for work and I went immediately to bed by 10:00pm.

    Whew, I'm tired! I am also back to blogging faithfully. I've truly missed the mental benefits of sharing my life with others.

    Thursday, August 19, 2004
    apparently he likes school...

    This morning, Isaac was up at the ass crack of dawn, I don't normally get up until the rooster crows. He was dressed and woke me up with 2 coffee cups in his hand.
    "I want coffee Momma." He whispered as he put his cold little hand on my left cheek.
    "Isaac, go back to bed baby, its still dark out."
    "I'm dressed Momma, I am not going back to bed, I want coffee." He was still whispering.
    "Why are you whispering Isaac?"
    "I don't want to wake Nicholas up and we can have coffee and watch the sun." Still whispering to me.

    What's a mom to do? Roll over or get up? I got up, stumbled into the kitchen and had to press the ON button on the coffee pot for the first time since my darling hubby bought me a digital coffee pot. Isaac served me my cigarettes and sat down beside me, patiently waiting for coffee. We drank coffee and watched the sun come up, my eyes opened wider as it rose. Soon the bus came to pick him up and he was gone. All I got was a "thank you for the coffee Momma, bye." Little shit.

    Nicholas slept most of the day today. It is normal for babies to go through a growth spurt at around 4 months old. Nicholas will be 4 months tomorrow. During typical growth spurts, babies eat and sleep and that is about all. It was a change. For the first time since before Nicholas was born, I truly had no one to hold, change, feed or love on. It was weird. What did I do with my new found freedom? Cleaned, what else is there?

    Nicholas and I waited for the bus to bring us Isaac. We sat outside in a chair on the porch and watched the cars go by. It wasn't long before the van (bus) was in the driveway and Nicholas and I were at the end of the sidewalk helping him out. He waved bye to the (bus)van driver and wanted to know if I had checked the mail. We had a quiet evening and he ate really good. After baths, I read him and Nicholas "Where The Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak. It was my favorite book when I was a child and Isaac enjoyed it too.


    Wednesday, August 18, 2004
    first day is the humpiest...

    Wouldn't ya know that Isaac started school on a Wens? We got up this morning, before the alarm went off that I set just to make sure, and had coffee. While dressing, I explained to him that he needed to be a good boy, use his manners, remember to potty and follow directions. He quickly reminded me that he needed to ride the school bus too. We were ready by 7:30am and the bus wasn't scheduled for another 30 minutes so we hung around and I tried my damnest to give him 8 hours worth of loving but he is so independent and told me to, "lay off Mom." *sigh*

    The school bus, an oversized van, pulled into the driveway shortly after 8:00am. Isaac was a little disappointed that it wasn't bright yellow with kids hanging out of the windows. The chick opened the door, Isaac climbed in and sat in his seat. The chick and I chatted for a brief moment and when she turned to buckle Isaac in, he had already done it his self.
    "Wow Isaac, you are so smart." She told him.
    "Thank you but I already know that, let's go." He replied.

    The look on her face was priceless. By 8:30am I was resisting calling the school to see how he was. Nicholas wasn't much help, he only smiled and sucked all day. In an attempt to not be the "Over protective, too concerned" mother, I started doing what I do best, cleaning. Every since the Magic Eraser thing, I've developed an obsession to washing every wall in this house and today I got half of them done. Time crept by while I anxiously waited for Isaac's arrival. I pictured him jumping off of the bus and wrapping his little arms around my thigh as he excitedly told me about his day and all of his new friends. Instead I got a...
    "Hi Mommy, did you check the mail already?"

    I tried to have a conversation with him about his first day at school and he was more concerned about the fact that the bus is really a van. I ask him if he missed me and he replied, "ummmmmmmm *long pause* nope." Little shit.

    We went for a short visit at Mom's and then to the library. I've decided that Isaac has probably heard his books too many times it was time to get a library card. Isaac got his own library card and refused to be quiet in the library but it was empty so no one seemed to mind. When we got home, I cooked and cleaned the kitchen, gave baths and the boys were asleep by 8:30pm.

    ~~interesting day

    Tuesday, August 17, 2004
    school days amongst us...

    Today we did the orientation at Isaac's school. At first he wouldn't cooperate with the woman because she wouldn't give him his coffee. As soon as I got his coffee for him, he fully cooperated between sips. Next we were sent to his classroom to meet his teachers, they seemed okay. He hasn't stopped talking about riding the school bus.

    Tim left for work tonight on a single trip to Denver. This means that he will be out there alone and that worries me some. The good news of this is that he will get to visit my very best friend Terri and hand deliver recent pictures of us all.

    ~~tired, can't ya tell?

    Nicholas aka "Honey Bear" Posted by Hello

    Isaac aka "Pea butt" Posted by Hello

    If it weren't for that mischevious smile, he'd look like an angel Posted by Hello

    The Boys Posted by Hello

    The Family Posted by Hello

    Yep, I'm all better! Posted by Hello

    Why are you waving that piece of fatback at me and why isn't the camera operator showing this abuse? Posted by Hello

    Look into my eyes, give me another piece of fatback. Posted by Hello

    You know you're not getting this back right? Posted by Hello

    Monday, August 16, 2004
    small miracles...

    I had Mom call me this morning just to make sure that we were awake in plenty of time to get woke up before we had to have Isaac to the doctor's office. She called about 7:15am and I was already up feeding Nicholas. After feeding Nicholas, I got out of bed, got dressed and had a cup of coffee. Isaac was in the bathroom as I headed toward his room to wake him up and get him dressed. Tim and Nicholas cuddled while I got Isaac ready. Next I got Nicholas' clothes ready and dressed him while Tim got ready. We were out the door by 8:50am. Isaac's appointment was at 9:30am but we were supposed to be there by 9:15am to complete paperwork. On the way to the doctor's office, Tim and I discussed the insurance and their negligance. Disappointed doesn't even begin to cover our feelings, I am more or less pissed off about the entire experience.

    At the doctor's office, we were first turned away by a nurse whose only explaination was, "go back outside and as far away from the entrance as possible with your children, now." Ok. We waited beside the car as we witnessed 3 very sick children being loaded into a car. Their ages were probably 14, 11 and 6. I couldn't see any rashes or bumps but I could see red swollen eyes, all of them holding their stomachs and the number of nurses that it took to load these children. I could also hear a nurse giving directions to the hospital. I thought twice about taking my children through the same hallway that these sick children passed through. One of the nurses stayed outside and held the door open for a number of minutes before going in. I thought to myself
    .oO Is this really worth it? Where's the backdoor? Good thing we are early! Oo.

    I covered Nicholas's mouth and nose with his blanket and Tim covered Isaac's mouth and nose with his shirt and we ran, like madmen, through the hallway and into the doctor's office. It was a very dramatic 3 foot. Once inside, I checked Isaac in and explained to the secretary about the insurance and she said that we would pay on the way out. *sigh* I was really hoping that the insurance would have gotten on the ball to make sure that Isaac had coverage this morning. We sat down in the "well child" waiting area and a few moments later, the secretary called Isaac's name.
    "Just to see if it would go through, I put the insurance information into the computer and it took it." She explained.
    "So that means that we will not have to pay today?" I questioned.
    "It looks that way, if for some reason they reject it, we'll contact you for payment arrangements." She added.
    "Okay." I was really thinking .oO Hallafuckingluja Oo.

    It wasn't a long wait before we were called back. Isaac weighs 37lbs 7 oz and is 42 inches tall. His blood pressure and tempurature were normal. Throughout Isaac's potty training experiences, he has yet to pee in a bottle or cup. Today he got to pee in a cup and he was very unsure about it.
    "Isaac, come on baby, let's go potty." Okay, so I was assuring him.
    "In there?"
    "Yes baby, in here."
    "Okay Mommy."
    As he started to pee, I caught it in the cup and he cut off his stream.
    "No Mommy, not in the cup."
    "Isaac, we need you to pee in this cup honey." Oh PLEASE I was thinking.
    "Why didn't you say so?" He grabbed the cup from me and peed in it like a champ.
    "There ya go Momma, you gonna drink it?"
    I laughed a , "no."

    We were sheparded into a room to wait for the doctor. We reviewed colors and shapes and Nicholas happy chewed on my thumb while we waited. A nurse came in, not one involved with the scene outside, and checked Isaac's vision and hearing. Then she stuck his finger and put a bandaid on it. She left.

    "Look Mommy, she put a yellow bandaid on my finger." Isaac pronounced.

    The doctor came in, sat down with Isaac and talked with him for a bit.
    "Hi, Isaac, are you excited about going to school?" The doctor asked.
    "Yes, I am going to ride the school bus."
    We all laughed.

    The doctor checked Isaac over and Isaac fully cooperated with him. He commented on Isaac's manners and how smart he was. He signed the papers required by the school and wished us luck. We checked out and left. It really makes me feel good to know that Isaac has never been in a daycare situation and he is as smart as kids who have been. I am concerned about his sharing techniques though. He only shares well with his Dad and me. He'll give Nicholas anything if he is crying *laugh*. When it comes to other children though, he needs work. I hope these lessons come easy to him with someone else teaching them to him. Obviously, I ensure that he shares at home but he is accustomed to getting things his way. Every since he was born, if he wanted something that Austin had, we, 9 out of 10 times, made Austin give it to Isaac. I see now that we should not have done that. It is not too late to change it though and I've been working on it. Back then though, it just seemed easier.

    After the doctor's office we went to the mall and bought a Magic Eraser. Isaac got crazy with a red crayon on his bedroom walls and one wall in the hall. I've tried everything to remove the crayon. Flat wall paint should be illegal. Had the rooms been painted with atleast a semi-gloss, the crayon would have just wiped right off with no effort. Painting is in the near future but even before we can paint, we have to remove that crayon and Magic Eraser was the only thing we haven't tried. Then we went to our favorite local diner and had lunch.

    As soon as we got home, 12:30pm, I started supper. I love my crockpot. I can create amazing meals without standing in the kitchen for hours! This was tonight's supper:
    My Tips and Rice
    1lb beef roast, cut into cubes
    6 baby portabella mushrooms, sliced
    1/2 green pepper, sliced
    1/2 cup of flour
    4 cups water
    1 cup uncooked rice

    Season beef to taste and roll each cube in flour. Put floured cubes into crockpot with mushrooms, peppers and 2 cups of water. Set crockpot to high and cook for 4 hours. Add 2 cups water remaining water and rice to crockpot with meat. Cook 2 hours. Serve!

    I also fixed corn on the cob. It was delicious. After supper, I immediately cleaned the kitchen. Tim and I played with the boys some and then it was bath time. Tim gave Isaac a shower and I gave Nicholas his bath in the kitchen sink. Both of the boys were out by 8:00PM. Tim and I are doing the laundry tonight, together. Tomorrow is Isaac's orientation at the school, 10:00am. Wish us luck.

    ~~super groovy

    Sunday, August 15, 2004
    memories and good food...

    The boys and I were up at our usual time this morning. Isaac and I enjoyed our coffee in the dining room together and we had a conversation about school. I told Isaac that he had to be good at school and use his manners and play nice with the other kids. He nodded his head while I talked and only spoke to request more coffee.

    After our third cups, I ask him, "Isaac, do you understand what school is and why you are going?"

    "Sure Mom, I'm going to ride the school bus." He replied.

    I couldn't help but laugh. I will probably have no other choice than for him to ride the school bus a few times but I will be driving him myself whenever possible. I am not sure why he is so enthusiastic about riding the school bus. He has only ever seen one when we pick up Austin from his school. I didn't realize that they had made such an impression on his little head. While he ask me about the school bus, I put on the pintos so that they would be ready when Tim got home from work at noon.

    "Momma, does school bus have seatbelts?" he asked.

    "I'm not sure Isaac, the buses when I was growing up didn't have them but I somehow thing that the bus wouldn't be safe with 20 or so 3 and 4 year olds on it." I replied.

    "Seatbelts so we can be safe!" He exclaimed just like Dora on the television, causing me to chuckle at him.

    "Ok, I'm going to play."

    Our short conversation reminded me of my school days and the most prevalent memory that I have of the school bus. My mom was able to see my sister, brother and me off and on the school bus everyday but due to her work schedule she couldn't take us herself. She would sit on the front porch in her pj's and robe and have coffee and a cigarette. Our bus stop was right in front of the house and we usually just stood at the end of the driveway, all of 15 foot away from Mom. She would yell at us to stand still or behave as the bus approached and then wave at us as we took off. My brother hasn't always been the good looking man that he developed into. Before he hit puberty he was shorter, skinner, has huge ears compared to the rest of his body and was bucked teethed. These features made him a prime target for the older kids on the bus to make fun of him. The fact that my brother was as feisty then as he is now did not help this fact. Several of the older boys had been picking on my brother for a few days. Mom had called the principle and the superintendent over the school buses and nothing had been done about these boys picking on my brother. My mother warned every official that she spoke to that if it happened a third time, she would take matters into her own hands. They assured her that it would be taken care of. It wasn't. My brother came home one afternoon so upset that it took Mom almost an hour to calm him down. He explained to her that the older boys had given him a wedgy and that it hurt his butt while they were putting the elastic band of his underwear around his forehead. You could see the anger in Mom's face. Instead of using her free time in the mornings to call people that didn't care, she took matters into her own hands as promised the day before.

    The next morning, she acted as if nothing were different and sat in her pj's and robe on the front porch drinking her coffee. The bus turned the corner above our stop as usual and stopped in front of the house. When the driver opened the doors, he laughed at my brother and said, "Good Morning Fruit of the Loom." I'll never know what my mom's original plan was but what I am about to tell you is the absolute truth. My mom came off of that porch with the fury of an anger God. She pushed my sister and I up the stairs and grabbed the bus driver by his neck. She pulled him off of the bus and took her sweet time, about 7 minutes, kicking his ass while the kids on the bus watched in amazement. Once finished whipping his ass, she loaded him back onto the bus and looked at all of the kids, who were not quiet, and said, "if I hear one word from anyone before I park this bus at the school house, I will kick every one of your asses." She sat in the drivers seat, finished the route and drove to school. No one dare spoke a word, it was the quietest that I have ever heard any place. The boys that picked on my brother sat in the back of the bus, stupid them. When she parked the bus at the school house, these were her instructions, "Everyone but Bryan (my brother) and jerks A, B, and C (can't remember their names) can get off of the bus, have a nice day at school." I got off of the bus, as instructed and went to class. I do not know the rest of the events that morning but I do know that the bus driver quit, did not press charges and the jerks were kicked off of the school bus for the rest of their school days.

    I know that Isaac won't be the one that other kids picks on. He is very good looking and damn near twice the size of other kids his age, muscle. I wonder sometimes though if I have put enough meekness in him to keep him from being one of the jerks. If I ever catch Isaac being a jerk, I will cut him down in front of whoever it is that he was picking on. Lord have mercy on his ass.

    On with the rest of the day. Mom came over at about 11:00AM, brought me a head of Virginia sweet cabbage and we talked some before I had to go get Tim from work. Isaac through a hellacious fit because he wanted to ride with Grandma. He rode with me. We left to get Tim and planned to meet Mom at the grocery store. Due to Isaac's little fit, we were a few minutes late picking up Tim but he didn't notice because he spilt coffee in the floor of his truck and needed the extra time to clean up the mess. We packed his things into the truck and headed to the grocery store. After shopping a little, Austin rode with us to the house while Mom went to deliver her groceries. Once home, I started cooking, the boys went into the basement to play and Daddy played with the baby. I cooked cabbage, pintos and tenderloin. It was super yummy and we all ate so much that we needed a nap. Mom and Austin left after dinner and Tim played with the boys while I cleaned the kitchen up.

    Tomorrow is a busy day and I'd like to return from it to a clean house.

    Saturday, August 14, 2004
    never-the-less, an easy day...

    With Isaac at Mom's, Nicholas and I slept in this morning. Instead of being up at 7:30am, we slept until 8:00am. I started gathering everything to get it ready to be cleaned and made my phone calls for the morning.

    I called the doctor's office about the cost of Isaac's physical Monday. Would you believe damn near $300 for a freaking physical? I about shit when the chick told me that. Now here is my position: When I enrolled Isaac, he was put first on the waiting list because he is only 3 years old. In order for him to get to go, someone needed not to show up. 2 kids did not show the first week of school and I was notified Friday that he would be able to go. He can't go to school until he has a physical, due to the insurance having a lapse we have to pay for it. The insurance will not cover Isaac until Tuesday and the next available appointment for a physical is in September. We have only until Wens, to get all of the paperwork together for him to go to school or he looses his place and will be put on the end of the waiting list. Our only option is to pay for the physical and hope that the insurance will reimburse us for it. *sigh* While I was on the phone with the doc's office, both of my dads beeped in three times a piece. I was ready to kill them. Hello?!?! If my machine doesn't kick on that means that I'm on the phone and if I don't answer the beep, that means that it is an important phone call. I have caller id so wait for me to call you back! Men, bless their ignorance!

    Due to the phone calls, I only managed to get the kitchen clean before Mom got here with Isaac. He was so whinny that I laid him down for his nap. It didn't take long for Nicholas to go to sleep and by 11:00am, my house was silent. So silent that I too had to take a nap. After naps, I got up and cleaned the house. I started in the bathroom and did everything in there except the shower - hubby does the shower. Then I moved to Isaac's room, Nicholas's room, our room, the hallway, cartoon room, dining room and finally the living room. I only lack the kitchen floor but I was tired! Tomorrow, I will only have to take all of the trash that I bagged up today downstairs and wash the breakfast dishes. I will also need to start the pintos in the crockpot as soon as I get up so that they will be ready when hubby gets home at noon.

    I tried a new bath time ritual tonight. I usually make Nicholas a pallet in the hallway while I put Isaac in the shower and get soaked. Then I get Nicholas up off of the pallet and lay him on Isaac's bed while I dress him, read his story and put him in the bed for the night. Then I usually give Nicholas a bath in his baby bathtub in the kitchen sink, get soaked again and dress him, feed him and put him in the bed. I'm usually so tired after that so I don't get a bath for myself until the mornings. Tonight though, I stripped Nicholas down to his diaper and made his pallet in front of the shower. I covered him up well to make sure that he didn't get cold while Isaac and I took a shower. Isaac got out of the shower and I wrapped him in a towel. I got his toothbrush ready before we headed to the shower so once he was out, he could brush his teeth while I bathed Nicholas in the shower with me. I took Nicholas's diaper off and gave him a bath in the shower. Once he was finished, I laid him back on his pallet and covered him with a towel while I dried off. Then I put my robe on, picked up Nicholas and took him to Isaac's bed and dressed him while Isaac dressed. Next I nursed Nicholas while I read Isaac a story and both of the boys were asleep by 8:15pm. I started at 7:30pm. I usually have to start at 7:00pm and done by 8:30pm. I'm liking this new ritual - it doesn't take a long and I get a shower in. Hee yaw!

    ~~feeling super

    Friday, August 13, 2004
    fun, fun, fun...

    Ah Fridays, gotta love Fridays especially when the date is the 13th. I figured that this day would be hell from the start and I was glad to be wrong. Don't tell anyone that I was wrong though because that would be a flaw and I don't have those. *laugh*

    After the usual morning ritual, the boys and I had breakfast. Isaac ordered, "pancakes, apples and toast." Tim called and we had a conversation that was too short because his cellphone is a piece of shit and is due for an "phone upgrade." I go to know SprintPCS's phone upgrade policy today really clearly. It seems that 18 months after your open your account, you get a free phone upgrade. You are eligible every 18 months after that. The only exception to these rules occurs when you have to get a replacement phone due to your phone being malfunctioned. If you think your phone is malfunctioning, you have to take it to a SprintPCS store and have it tested. Once it is determined that your phone is malfunctioning, SprintPCS sends you a new replacement phone, same model that you have. When you receive and activate the replacement phone, you have to send your malfunctioned phone back and your 18 months starts over once you have activated the replacement phone. Wouldn't you know that Tim would have been due an upgrade in April, had he not had to get a replacement phone in February. Damn the luck! I gave the SprintPCS chick a piece of my mind.

    Next I had the pleasure of talking with the bank again because they have messed up our account AGAIN. All of our bills that can be paid electronically are paid electronically automatically. Due to our account being fucked with no end in sight, I got to run bills today. Let me remind you that Isaac has a 10 second warning on potty use and Nicholas prefers being held. I can not express the joys it was to run to 5 different places, get out, unload both kids, pay the bill, load the kids again, listen to Nicholas scream on the way to the next place and then do it all over again. Of course Nicholas calmed down once he was in my arms and Isaac had to pee in every bathroom that he passed. Very interesting but I do not recommend it to anyone.

    Before we got home from running bills, I called the insurance company, who have dropped Isaac off of the insurance for "neglecting to turn in paperwork." It seems that you have to renew children every year on their birthday and even though I waited 45 minutes to turn this paperwork into a specific woman at the insurance company, she lost it and Isaac was dropped. This could not have come at a worse time. Isaac is going to school Wens. He has a physical on Monday and no insurance to pay for it. He can not go to school until he gets a physical and he will lose his place if he can't start on Wens. Gotta love spur of the moment "holy shit" problems. So we ended up going to the insurance place and waiting for what seemed forever to do the paperwork IN the building and get it into the computer. There is no guarantee that he will be on the policy on Monday though. I have absolutely no idea how much a school physical is so I called the doctor's office to ask, in the event that Isaac is not on the insurance before Monday at 9:30am. On Fridays, the doctors office closes at 4:30pm and I called at 4:32pm. *sigh* Luckily, they are open in the morning from 8:30am to noon. Remind me to call please!

    After an exhausting afternoon, I go to Mom's. Isaac and Austin rarely get to play together anymore and jump at the chance to do so. All Isaac talks about is Austin and one would think that they would use their time together wisely and play their little hearts out but nooooooooo, they usually argue like brothers the whole time. We sent them outside so that we could talk. We talked for awhile inside but decided to go walking outside and we did. Nicholas fell asleep in the stroller as we walked around Mom's house looking at the flowers. Isaac spent the night with Grandma and Nicholas went right to sleep tonight. It has been a peaceful night and I have only gotten Isaac's linens and curtains washed, ironed and back where they are supposed to be. Hopefully the quiet morning will allow me to get some things done before Grandma brings the boys over. Hopefully Austin can spend the night tomorrow night and Mom can get a break too.

    ~~tired but ok

    Thursday, August 12, 2004

    This morning the boys and I cuddled some before we started our day. Mom called early to make sure that I was awake so that I could get to her house early. My dad was there and wanted to see the kids and me. We got up and dressed and made it to Mom's by 8:30am. We visited for awhile and was home again by 11:00am. When we got home, I put the boys down for a nap. Isaac got up several times before I finally had to harshly suggest that he lay down. The problem is that if Isaac isn't asleep, he'll wake sleeping Nicholas. I have to hold Nicholas until Isaac is asleep and then I can lay Nicholas down. Sleeping times are definately interesting around here.

    Isaac and I went over his colors after nap time. I bought a pound of scrapbooking paper in various sizes and cuts. It has the basic shapes (circle, square, rectangle, triangle) and basic colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, black and white). These packs are available at Wal-Mart and costs less that $2.00. I ordered mine offline *laughs*. They are great for teaching kids their colors and shapes. I chose the largest squares in the basic colors for myself. Isaac always choses the triangles for himself. I lay down a color, he says the name and then puts the same color triangle down on my square. It's kind of like a kids version of Go Fish. We've played this game for about a year now and we are on our second pound of the paper. Today we did shapes too. This is new, I've only started this about 6 months ago. It works the same way that the colors do but in shapes. After playing "Go Fish", we always make something with the now crumbled scrapbooking paper. Today he made his daddy 2 boats and 2 flowers for me. He is so cute when he is good. To show him how proud I am of him, I put mounted the flowers and boats onto magnets and hung them on the fridge at his level. He then informed me that he needs to make water for the boats and grass for the flowers and the water needs to be blue and the grass is green, unless I prefer brown. Little shit! He also refused to stay clothed today. I don't know what this new phase is or why it is happening now but I'm going with it for the time being. He has every right to walk around in his underwear in his own house.

    Nicholas is having a hard time with cutting teeth. His necklace works great but he is knawing on everything in sight. I'm glad he doesn't have the usual crying associated with the pain of teething and this because of his burdock root necklace. Would you believe that he prefers knawing on his own feet over my nipples. I'm loving this!


    Wednesday, August 11, 2004
    wonderful wenseday...

    This morning I woke to a fresh pot of coffee and a husband ready to go to work. I was served coffee in bed and allotted 15 minutes to enjoy it. Tim got Isaac dressed for the day and I cuddled with Nicholas just a little bit longer. We packed Tim up and drove to the truck yard. Tim has a new co-driver because his co-driver for the last 8 months quit on Monday. We still haven't figured out why he quit and honestly I really don't care. It was stressful trying to talk to Tim on the phone because every time Tim called me and James knew about it, he would call his wife and they argued worse that any couple that I've ever encountered. I could never hear Tim. Thus far today, I have not had that problem and it has also lifted the load. Communication is important *laughs*.

    After dropping Tim off, we came back home and while the boys napped, I cleaned the house. It looks good. I plan on washing and ironing curtains and bed linen tomorrow, wish me luck. The kids and I went to Grandma's tonight for a little off time. I promised Isaac that if he laid down for a nap, I would take him to the park. It rained cats and dogs while he was asleep so the park was out. Grandma's is as good and I explained the whole thing to him. If you learn nothing from my blog but this, remember it for life.
    The key to raising happy children is consistency. If you tell them that you'll do something. Do it or in cases that you can't (like my park promise today) come up with something better and give them the option.

    ~~happy again.

    Tuesday, August 10, 2004

    Okay so last Tuesday, I told you that I had figured out my problem but was going to wait until I had confirmation. I now have confirmation that I am not a whack job, crazy or otherwise out of my mind. Good news right? One may assume that it is good news however I also confirmed today that I have serious issues that need my direct and full attention. I say this because...

    Today I saw a head shrinker, some of you refer to these people as "physiologist." I did this because of some feelings that I just can't shake. I've never really dealt with my daughter's death and thought that this was probably a good time to do so. Due to my never dealing with Audrey's death I have a few problems now:
  • inability to deal with and control anger
  • anxiety in large crowds
  • emotional blocks
  • overprotective with my kids
  • disgust of my husband
  • no fear, natural or otherwise
  • uncontrollable and frequent mood swings

  • That is quite the list but the good news is that I won't have to take out a second mortgage on my house to pay for the shrinker bills. So here's the basic rundown of my explanation on the above problems and how they are directly linked to the death of my daughter.

    I was completely alone when I discovered our daughter in her lack of life state. My mother was returning from vacation, my husband was working and no other family or neighbors were around. I think that I blame my husband for not being there when the discovery was made. After her death, I would avoid high crowd areas due to the possibility of seeing a red headed little girl that would be her age. I wanted to avoid such sightings due to my freaking out in public. I already had/have a problem with needing to be in control and I can't control anyone but myself so the thought of losing control in front of any number of people freaks me out. After having Isaac, I developed the over protectiveness of my children. It was ok with Isaac but I fear that I've gone overboard with Nicholas and it could end up effecting his life. The anger has grown and grown, almost like the snowball effect. My mood swings have gone from natural to above average as a result of not dealing with anything related to this and as a result of that, I have developed a fear of nothing and no regard towards the emotions of others.

    *takes a deep breath*

    Now that this is out of my system, I'll tell you about the rest of my day. I got a call from the preschool coordinator today regarding Isaac going to school. When we registered him, he was put first on the waiting list for enrollment due to his age and the fact that there were 4 year olds and they are priority. So this chick calls me today and tells me that school started today and 2 kids didn't show up. One of the kid's parents called and the other hasn't been heard from and can not be contacted. Should the kid whose parents can not be contacted doesn't show up for school, Isaac will be able to go and could start as soon as Thursday. She prefers that he start on a Monday though. This would mean that I will be able to get back to work and have personal goals again. Woohoo!


    Monday, August 09, 2004
    monday monday

    Bah-da Bah-da-da-da Bah-da
    Bah-da-da-daBah-da Bah-da-da-da
    Monday, Monday, so good to me
    Monday Mornin', it was all i hoped it would be
    Oh Monday Mornin', monday mornin' couldn't guarntee
    That Monday evenin' you would still be here with me
    Monday Monday can't trust that day
    Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
    Oh Monday Mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be
    Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me
    Every other day, every other day
    Every other day of the week is fine
    Yeah but whenever monday comes,
    But whenever monday comes a-you can find me cryin' all of the time
    Monday, Monday, so good to me
    Monday Mornin', it was all i hoped it would be
    Oh Monday Mornin', monday mornin' couldn't guarntee
    That Monday evenin' you would still be here with me
    Every other day, every other day
    Every other day of the week is fine
    But whenever monday comes,
    But whenever monday comesA-you can find me cryin' all of the time
    Monday Monday can't trust that day
    Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
    Oh Monday, Monday, won't go away
    Monday Monday, it's here to stay
    Oh Monday, Monday
    Oh Monday, Monday

    I've had this song in my head all day long and quite frankly, it's getting on my last nerve. Today was a very average day. I got up, cooked, cleaned, cooked again, cleaned some more, cooked again and finally cleaned again. In between the cooking and cleaning I breastfeed, changed diapers, assisted Isaac with his potty problems and held conversations with Tim. We went on the trail walk today and it was fun. Isaac is doing great with potty training, Nicholas is still terribly attached to his mother that likes him being terribly attached to her and Tim is still wondering when I will give him ass.

    ~~all is well!

    Sunday, August 08, 2004
    slow sunday...

    I did not get enough sleep last night to carry me through the day, or so I thought. The last time that I recall was 1:30AM on the alarm clock. Tim called this morning at 5:30AM, "good morning honey, I'm 45 minutes out, you can be early if you want, I've got the paperwork just about finished." I will not share my reply with you *laughs*. It took me a few moments to roll out of bed and get dressed myself. I was unable to enjoy even a cup of coffee because I forgot to set the automatic timer on "ass crack of dawn" instead of its usual setting, "rooster crow." After dressing myself, I packed the boys up and headed out the door. I was loading the boys when I felt a pop on my chest, twice. Upon looking at my chest, I discovered that my nipples were standing out, for what seems like, 2 inches. It may have been to the lack of coffee or lack of sleep the night before but I couldn't figure out why they were in this condition. Until of course, I stopped and looked at the ground and a cold breeze blew through. Yikes! Another inch was added to my newly deforming breasts. Holy cow it was cold this morning, about 42 degrees F. While strapping the kids into the car, as fast as I could, I pondered why I chose a sleeveless shirt and stretchy pants to cover me this morning. This pondering continued on the 5 minute drive to Tim's work. Here are some of my thoughts:
    1.) I know better than to wear sleeveless shirts.
    2.) Look at these arms, GROSS!
    3.) An ass as big as mine should not have only a thin layer.
    4.) I'm throwing out these pants when I get home.
    5.) I wonder if the big bang theory was first thought of due to the designer seeing a fat chick in black stretchy pants bending over.

    Once we arrived at the truck yard to get Tim, Isaac decided that he just had to pee on the huge tires on Daddy's truck. I got him out to pee, not knowing where he was going to point that thing. Tim was watching us in his side mirrors and decided to get out and help Isaac pee. I quickly got back in the car and turned on the heat, in an attempt to thaw my frozen breasts. I watched as my two favorite men peed on the tire of an 18-wheeler. Men! Isaac went with his Daddy into the truck after that. I was waiting, not so patiently, when I looked down at the dash of our car and watched as the fuel light came on. Instead of getting out into the cold again, I used my cellphone to call Tim's cellphone and I told him that I was going to get gas. He replied, "You don't need to pay for it, I have enough for you, me and the car." Again, I will not give you my reply to that. He quickly told me, "ok honey, be careful and we should be done when you get back."

    The gas station was 2 minutes in the direction of home. I pulled in and jumped out, trying to hurry to pump the gas. As soon as I landed the nozzle into the gas tank and set the automatic pump, I crossed my arms in an attempt to keep my breasts from freezing again. It did not work. When finished, I pulled the car up to the store and got out to pay. As I walked into the store, there were several old timers in the corner huddled around the coffee pot. One had his back to me, putting on a fresh pot, and I heard him say, "it should be against the law for a woman with an ass like that to wear those kind of pants." The other men blushed a little and one nudged the coffee maker. He turned around to see me and turned red as a beet. I said, "I thought the same thing this morning. I wondered how I could fit such a thing into pants so small." He turned even more red and said, "I don't know how you did it but I like the look." I smiled at him, paid and walked out -- trying not to shake my ass. I climbed quickly back into the car and thanked God that they noticed the stretch of fabric over my ass instead of my 3 inch protruding nipples.

    At the truck yard again, Tim and Isaac loaded Tim's things into the back of the car and got in themselves. Both of them buckled up and Tim was laughing while I told him what happened at the store. He agreed that the pants looked nice and told me, "you should be ashamed of yourself for giving those men a thrill so early in the morning." I rolled my eyes and headed to our favorite restaurant. We sat at our favorite table and Isaac's favorite waitress came over to the table.
    "Good morning, coffee this morning?" she said.
    "good morning," Isaac said, "I'll have coffee with real milk in a go cup, a pancake and some of Daddy's eggs."
    Everyone laughed and she patted Isaac on his head.

    After breakfast, we headed to Virginia to visit one Emma and Ellis, Tim's aunt and uncle. Emma is amazed that there are so many things that I haven't tried. She always keeps something new there for me to try and this week it was real butter. This butter was straight from the churn, where it was made with pure cream on top of fresh cow milk. Concerned about my heart, I tried to decline the invitation but "no" isn't something that you tell this woman. The butter absolutely fabulous. I couldn't believe how creamy and sweet it was. I am also glad that real butter isn't available in the grocery store. Everyone was impressed with Isaac's manners and the "smartness" of Nicholas.

    Milestone of the day:
    Nicholas found his feet and is fascinated with them.


    Saturday, August 07, 2004
    sleepy saturday...

    This morning, my dad came to get Isaac. Nicholas and I did a number of household chores including all of the laundry, cleaning out the fridge and doing the floors. We also took a very long and needed 4 hour nap. Oh yes, I did enjoy that nap!

    Due to the nap that I took, I am unable to sleep now. This is probably a good thing due to the fact that I wouldn't have blogged tonight had I been sleepy. The extra sleep also has my creative wheels turning. Its almost time for me to start working again. Work? Yes, I work. I am the owner of an internet business, I make webpages and graphics. I have hired an independent graphics artist though and I think she is going to work out great. She has a great eye for color and is using her own time to learn to do graphics. So, as my wheels are turning, I decide to look into the business of blog templates. I am very impressed with the findings and have started designing a few of my own. In the coming days, do not be surprised if the appearance is a little or very different. If you like the design of the day, let me know. If you would like me to design you a blog page (free of charge of course) also let me know. I am working on one called "Pumpkin Spice" at the moment. Orange is my favorite color and I want to use orange and yellow as much as possible. I can't wait to see how it turns out!


    Friday, August 06, 2004
    finally friday...

    Once again I got up cleaning. I managed to get the front of the house (kitchen, cartoon room and the living room), the litter box and the beds made before Mom and her 3 cats got here. Mr. Daisy, Thunder and Lightening didn't want to meet Murphy but were already acquainted with Bing. Murphy and Bing are our cats. To say the least, the house was rocking with 5 male cats running around. We had planned on Mom playing with Nicholas while I cleaned out the fridge and things of that nature. Plans never go as follows, it seems. I didn't get anything clean and she didn't get her cats washed at my house but we had an awesome lunch. *laugh* We had four cheese mashed potatoes, grilled stuffed salmon and corn. It was SO good and very different. It was then that I realized that lunch was an "adult" meal and I had not enjoyed one in a long time.

    Mom took Isaac home with her and I set out with Nicholas to get payroll and go to the bank. We've been having a lot of problems with our bank and it was discovered last night that they had once again taken money out of the account that wasn't our charge. As I went through the drive-thru, the head teller came to the window and invited me in. I planned on doing that anyway but wanted Nicholas to get 5 more minutes of sleep before he felt me get totally stressed out from resisting to kick someone's ass. We slide into the bank and went in. I acted as professional as I could and after 3 hours with the branch manager, it was proven that we had not made the purchase and the bank owed us $390. They immediately put the money back in our account and letters were written to everyone we had a problem paying as a result of the bank's error. After the bank, it was rush rush rush to the phone company and ultimately to Mom's. To deliver her cats and pick up Isaac.

    The rest of the night was ordinary, dinner, dishes, baths and bed.


    Thursday, August 05, 2004
    thirsty Thursday...

    I had a busy day but the only thing that really sticks out in my mind was the fact that I could not quench my thirst. I drank and drank and drank, water, soda, tea, coffee and nothing helped. It seems as though I spent the day drinking and peeing but I actually had a pretty full day.

    I got up early this morning and picked up around the house before I got the kids up and ready to go. By 8:30am, I was out the door and headed to the next town to pick up a friend and take him to the food bank. He and his wife are having a rough time of it and they only have 1 car. Her hours at work prevent him from getting things to help them so he called me last night and ask if I would take him. Of course I will and I did. We were at the food bank by the time the doors opened at 9:30am. Isaac had to pee on a huge rock behind the center. The wonder boy and nature are liking eachother. By 12:00 noon, I had delivered our friend and his supplies back home and was home myself.

    No time for a nap because I had to finish cleaning the house before a chick was coming over for the very first time. I did not want her coming in thinking that I didn't do the floors - ever. I got busy right away on the floors and had them completely finished within an hour and a half. With 30 minutes to spare, I was able to clean up the lunch dishes. I met this chick Monday at Nicholas' appointment. She is 38 years old, in better shape than me, the mother of a 7 year old boy, 5 year old little girl named Rose, who has downs, a 3 year old little boy and a 3 month old little girl. She's my hero of the week. She dropped by to get a pack of PODs for Rose and while she was here, I unloaded 4 cases of formula on her as well. Tim and I stocked up thinking that breastfeeding wouldn't fly with Nicholas either. Thankfully I am able to breastfeed. I thought she was going to cry as she left. I explained that it wasn't charity because it was helping me as much as it was her.

    Now onto the rest of the day, in shorthand. Dinner, dishes, baths, beds and sleep -- finally!

    ~~feeling good

    Tuesday, August 03, 2004

    Today didn't start out as good as it turned out. It turned out groovy though. I figured out what my problem is but I'll wait to have it confirmed by a professional before I share.

    ~~still breathing

    Monday, August 02, 2004
    asshole is puckered and whistling dixie...

    Prepare yourselves for the first bitch fest on this blog. If you are weak, meek, timid or have stomach complications, please wait for tomorrow's post. I'm sure I'll be over it by then.

    First of all...
    Tim is home. Most women love their husbands being home, certainly if you love your husband as much as I do. This week though, he is just rubbing me the wrong way. I love my husband so much that I can't stand the sight of him this week. I couldn't sleep last night due to his obnoxious snoring and tossing in the bed. 5:30 AM came, in many ways, not a minute too soon. I was up and ready for the day, coffee in one hand and a smoke in the other. He'll go back to work tomorrow night.

    The modem...
    I was on the phone at 9:00 AM with Sprint, trying to track down my modem or at least get a resolution to the problem that I didn't have my modem yet. 3 hours total of hold, 3 dumbasses, 4 supervisors and 1 millimeter of patience left, the tech guy was here to install the modem that I didn't have. As I let him in, I was still on hold with a Sprint Supervisor that didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. I explained to the tech guy that I was a hair away from breaking bad on someone and he told me to hang up, let him have the phone and my modem would be here before he could do the wiring for the DSL. I agreed and it was done. His supervisor delivered a modem before he could get the wiring done and I was happy, until of course, I opened the box and discovered that the modem didn't use a USB cable but Ethernet instead. I could have screamed!

    The Appointment...
    Nicholas and I had a "well check" today. I had to wait in a public waiting area with snotty nosed kids who thought it was funny to draw with their snot on the walls. I was afraid to touch anything and I didn't dare put Nicholas down. After a 30 minutes wait, I was finally led into a "Breastfeeding Room." It was here that I spent the next 30 minutes watching a fucking retarded ass video on "How to feed a baby." HELLO?!?!?! I am not a first time mother or an ignorant mother. I've been there, done that and replaced the carrot stained t-shirt. I know how, when, where and what to look for when introducing foods. At least I wasn't in the snot covered waiting area. Nicholas weighs 14lbs 11oz now, so ya know.

    Ethernet Cards...
    Ok, so the modem is useless without an installed Ethernet card in my PC. God could my day get any worse? After our appointment, we came back home to pick Tim and Isaac up but they ended up not going. Isaac had went to sleep at 4:00 PM. Holy shit! If the kid sleeps past 2:00 PM, he doesn't want to go to bed until 11:00 PM and I've been up since 5:30 AM with little to no sleep. Who do you think is going to sit up with him? Anyways, so we go to Staples and tolerate the minimum wage stupid fucks and pay way too much for an Ethernet card with a card that probably doesn't have enough in the bank to cover it. Yay, I get to go to the bank twice this week. I make it home without running over any grandmothers that really shouldn't be driving because they read the Speed Limit Sign : 22 instead of 55. I immediately start dinner, it's 5:00 PM now and dinner is at 6:00 PM. Spaghetti - something not stressful, yeah right. Tim wants to go ahead and install the Ethernet card to make sure that the DSL works and I try to explain to him that it doesn't matter at this point if it doesn't work because it is now after hours. He doesn't care and I have to begin installation of this Ethernet card with Nicholas on my titty, food cooking on the stove, Isaac needing help with getting his pants up and Tim up my ass. It didn't go well. So I call technical support and select #1 for English and I get some foreigner that doesn't speak English and shame on me but I said, "listen Gook, get me someone that speaks English, NOW." I know, I know and it is so unlike me. Needless to say, someone that spoke perfect English couldn't help me so I told them how worthless they were and hung up.

    The Modem...
    Once again, I'm on the phone with Sprint, explaining the problem with the Network Adapter and for once, I get someone that speaks English, knows what he is doing and is obviously trained to handle women that are on the verge of killing someone. Flawless and in minutes, he gets my network problem solved, my modem installed and me online.

    The nighttime thing...
    Dinner was good but I couldn't enjoy it due to my lovely husband smacking. I swear he was swallowing it whole. Sick bastard. Isaac wouldn't eat because he saw a mushroom in the spaghetti. Nicholas was an angel but getting exhausted quick and he was on the verge of biting my nipple off. After dinner, I clear the plates and get the boys in the bath. Isaac can tell that I'm about to explode and he tried to help me as much as he can but he ended up in the way. He gets a gold star tomorrow for effort. Nicholas loved his bath, we were both soaking wet. Tim is absorbed in his western and offers no help. Where did my wonderful hubby go?

    The kids are in the bed, asleep. Tim is on the couch, still watching westerns - through his eye lids. I am so pissed that I can barely smoke without biting the filter off. This day was an absolute nightmare and I'm so pumped that I couldn't possibly go to sleep. I can't find other blogs : the happy ones will piss me off more, the pissy ones will set this bitchfest in deeper and the sad ones make me wanna slap the owner and say, "HEY, that's fucking life, deal with it!"

    ~~dealing with it


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