I've had 2 full pots of coffee this morning, this is me now - awake and alert - but earlier...
This morning, I rolled out of bed at the very early 5:30am and went straight to the coffee pot, which was empty. I thought for sure that I'd pee on myself before I assembled a pot of coffee to brew. After hitting the "on" button, I ran, very crosslegged, to the bathroom. The tasks may have taken 4 minutes max but that was 5 seconds too long for Nicholas. I sat at the computer while feeding him to avoid going to sleep with my breast in his mouth, it worked. The starving infant latched on to my breast, sucked 4 times and went to sleep knawing on my nipple. I allowed this while I waited on my coffee to brew and gently laid him back in his crib when it was done. After tipping over a couple of matchbox cars and miscellaneous toys, I grabbed my favorite cup -- 20oz thin, blue, ceramic -- and hastily filled it 3/4 full with the pipping hot eye opener. Then I dug through the fridge until I found the Hazelnut liquid creamer, filling the rest of the cup with it. I skipped the spoon and guzzled my first cup down. AHHHHH. I lit a smoke while I carefully mixed the next cup.
This mother's peace = a cup of coffee, a lit smoke and peace to enjoy them both. This 10 minute window of peace is found only early in the morning and is squeezed between the boys' schedules. I look forward to the only grown up time that I get daily. I may be conceited but these brief moments involves only me, my wishes and fullfills only my needs. It's better than sex and equally satisfying.
--ready for the day